Hero
by Shieldage
Summary: A thousand words on a vampire in a cape and tights.


BtVS by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Some DC references.

* * *

1.

"I'll never know why Ethan decided to make his spell stick permanently to that vampire. Superstrength, flying, sunlight making him _stronger_... The complete works. We're lucky it left him with such a hero complex."

"Eh, you ask me it's annoying how he looks down on us, claiming that fighting human crime in New York and 'enriching people's lives' is more noble than slaying demons."

"At least he's been out of our hair for three years."

"Yeah, but I'm griped that, to take down a Hellgod, we're having to ask help from a guy who insists on calling himself _Power Spike_."

2.

"No need to fear, Power Spike is here!"

"Good to see you too, bleached wonder. Laying it on a bit thick are we?"

"Heh, just trying to please the masses. How's Hellmouth life?"

"Same as ever, vampires around every corner. Oh, Angel moved to L. A. and opened a detective agency."

"What, Peaches got a case of superhero envy? I bet he even made himself a wee little utility belt... Heard you guys went and got yourselves a new Big Bad."

"Jealous?"

"No."

"We tore the heart out of the last one. Glory's faster and harder to research."

"Sounds fun."

3.

"What, that _cheap_ little Slayer has the _nerve_ to make fun of my wardrobe and then send a guy in tights and a cape to fight me?"

"Uh, your terrifyingly towering Glorificus. That's a super-vampire called Power Spike and..."

"Shut up, Dreg, I don't really care who he is. I am after all, a God."

"Maybe you should listen to the little scabby bloke. I'm full of pep and I pack a mean punch."

"Bring it on!"

OOF!

POW!

KABLAM!

_skriiing!_

"Great, I slid fast enough to tear the carpet. Now I'm never going to get my deposit back."

4.

"Ugh, just let me stand up and I'll show you what I'm made of... No. No, not now!"

"What, I hit you hard enough and you explode? Pretty cheap construction for a 'God'."

"Worse than that, freak. I'm going to-"

***pop***

"... Whoa, Glory changes into a guy? Nobody told me that."

"Power Spike! What the hell are you doing, why'd you hit him like that? You're supposed to be a good guy."

"What are you talking about, I hit him while he was still Glory."

"Why did you put Ben in a dress?"

"Sod this. Could someone help me here?"

5.

"Sorry. There's some sort of spell that keeps them from thinking about me and my 'sister' in the same sentence. Great to meet you by the way, Power Spike. My name's Ben and I'm your biggest fan."

"So, how come I'm immune?"

"I guess it just doesn't work on vampires."

"Great, let's talk on the roof. I'll just zoom you up there. Where do you keep your clothes?"

"Over there- Oof!"

"Guys, I'm going to talk to Ben on the roof a bit. What just happened here wasn't what-"

"Ben? Why would he be in Glory's apartment?"

"Ah, never mind."

6.

"Hey, gang, we all on the same page here?"

"You're basically saying that Glory's sole weakness is a hopefully breakable magic bond covered by a concealment spell?"

"Yep... Willow e-mailed me about that demon that split Xander in two. Do you still have the rod?"

"Yeah, but it's broken in half. It would take an awful lot of pressure and heat to mend it, and I'm fairly certain the initial spell would have to be recast."

_ZZZAP_

"Ooh, Power Spike, that heat vision rocks!"

"Could you make adjustments to the spell so it splits things a tad more unevenly?"

7.

"Hey, Ben. Sorry it took a day to get the spell just right. Any sign of Glory yet?"

"Nope, that last fight took a lot out of her. So, I put my ear to the ground and heard some rumors about what you were like before Halloween. No offense, but you hardly sounded like the type to, well..."

"Dress as a Superman knock-off? It wasn't my idea. My girl, Drusilla, was going as Batman's girlfriend and she thought it would be kinky."

"I'm sorry, Power Spike, but I can't Hulk out on command. This could take-"

***pop***

"Hey-"

_*crackle*_

**SHAZAM!**

8.

"Ben? What are you doing on the roof? Wait, why are we on the roof? Wait, why aren't I you? And... Gah! Power Spike! You stupid meddler, I'll... Huh, I have my fingers around your throat, but I can't seem to lift you."

"Much as I like the view, Glory, take a step back. I need my hands free to break this rod."

"Can I try?"

"Sure, Ben. Put her powers to good use."

_snap_

"You took them? How could you! I'm only human now."

"Sorry to say it, sis. But you're going to have to struggle like everybody else."

9.

"So, Power Spike, can I be your sidekick? I'm very physically resistant and terribly fast. Not to mention I'm a trained healer... AARGH!"

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, no. I'm sorry I should have guessed. Glory's powers are too unstable. I'm going to have to feed on people to maintain my own sanity. I'm going to fall apart."

"Good. I can use you to keep some of New York's worst repeat offenders off the street, permanently. No worries. None at all."

"But, you're-"

"Undead. Just because the spell gave me a... visceral distaste for killing doesn't meant it took away my fangs."

10.

"... Our latest story comes from the world of entertainment. The newest superhero / sidekick to defend our streets, Doctor Up, has signed an endorsement deal with Nike. Apparently, leaping from rooftop to rooftop can take an immense toll on footwear. In addition to cash, he'll receive shoes specially designed to resist impact."

"To be fair, Jen, half the proceeds will be donated to the clinic where his sister is currently being treated for sudden onset schizophrenia."

"Yes, I hear they're even naming a wing after him. In other news, the local prisons' second annual blood drive for benefit of Power Spike..."


End file.
